Meet the Voices in My Head

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

I have these voices in my head. The first hit of my google search says I am hearing ghosts, I have a spirit guide, or I am insane. Interesting. Another says I'm falling asleep, I have a pyschological or psychiatric issue, I have psychosis or psychotic depression, or I have schizophrenia. Maybe I'm being dramatic. They're not exactly voices.

Ok, here's my self-diagnosis. Directly from college, I had a highly stressful job as a Big 4 auditor (I'm a CPA) for 8 years. I am a procrastinator, so I would regularly be freaking out over meeting my next deadline. (They were always met, thankyou very much - in case a future employer finds my blog.) I was laid off last August - almost a year ago. (At 28 weeks pregnant....grrr) It took a long time for me to let go of all the open projects I left behind (in my head) and to stop worrying about my clients. As a result of having lots more free time and living for my children in a full-time way I began my blog. And now, I can't go through the day without thinking, oh, I should write about that. The problem is there's so much I want to mention or share, but I often have more important things going on (like taking a nap if I can :) So the major events I want to share about start piling up..the rest of our Disney vacation, Katie's school spring fair, Timmy's Christening, among some other day trips we've had here and there. But I also have these random thoughts that I want to share and the stress of not really wanting to take the time to upload all my pictures because blogger is a bitch to format, but wanting to post some things - and keeping track of what I want to share when I do get caught up - well it's taking over.

Apparently, it is in my character to need multiple things to think about at one time. Since school assignments and work deadlines aren't there to compete, the "blog voices" are taking over (because I've tied up, gagged, and blindfolded the "you need to clean your house and finish all of your projects voices" and apparently they only get to see the light of day when I've injected myself with major amounts of coffee OR its 24 hours to a lot of company or a big party at my house - you see the problems I have with procrastination?)

Ok, so enough is enough, I'm going to let them have their say now and I warn you - they may start making regular appearances throughout my posts. (and I warn you these voices don't neccessarily have anything brilliant or noteworthy to say...just something that seemed important when I originally thought it).

1) If I had cutesy nicknames to hide the identities of my children (or for the sake of being cutesy) I think I would pick "Little Miss Messy" and "Mr. Mischief." Of course I would abbreviate them as needed.

2) I need someone close to get pregnant with a girl. I was at Carter's today and I felt like a diabetic kid in a candy store. (Um...one that has just recently gotten diabetes, so they KNOW what they're missing! Ok, maybe a pregnant woman with gestational diabetes is a better analogy...if she likes candy.) Any takers?

3) I discovered a remarkable art project in Katie's backpack today. It looked like a fat Uncle Sam on a red brick road. She informed me that it was Humpty Dumpty....gotcha. I automatically "saw it" But do you know what suprised me the most? Apparently Humpty Dumpty had a great.."water". I swear. I started the rhyme and let Katie finish it off for me and she just kept saying he had a great "water." I even gently told her I thought she was wrong, but she stuck by it.

4) I know it isn't fair to "live through your children, " but I have to admit, I will be guilty. Katie is TERRIFIC in gymnastics, for her age level, and...and this is a "big" and, if she is in the mood. At the end of the winter semester she amazed me at her show. She did things she had never even been willing to do during the weekly class. I attributed it to her being thrilled to have an audience, particularly her Aunt Lori and cousin Paige. I though she'd pick up right where she left off heading into this past semester, but she was back to being tempermental and some weeks just letting her body go limp like a noodle when her instructors tried to teach her. Last week, I told her she had to try hard because it was the last practice day before her big show and again...she was AMAZING. I invited some other family members to her show this week that hadn't seen her before (and even Aunt Lori and Paige since they seemed to make such an impact last time) and was so excited for them to see her...and well, I felt disappointed. Katie never knew it, but it was there. I really don't care one bit if my kids aren't the best at something, but I do feel strongly that I want them to try their best. I know, I know...she's having fun at that's what I want for her, but I can't help the fact that I feel that way. I wish she would progress, just a little bit, on a regular basis.

5)I have strong feelings concerning home schooling. However, I'm not a great debater (nor do I enjoy debating.) These voices are constantly making me think about it, though, when I'm say driving or falling asleep. I'm considering trying to organize my thoughts and write a post about it so I can move on from my thoughts. (EDITED to say concerning instead of considering because I didn't mean to leave the impression that I am a proponent; I'm not. It's not for me)

6) I need to start (diligently) looking for another job, and I don't want to!

7) I need to drink more water throughout the day instead of waiting until I'm dying of thirst at the end of the day and then being up to pee all night...(well, everytime I'm up with the baby anyway).

8) I am pissed at want to thank Debi for telling me about her love affair with nachos when I mentioned to her that I would consider leaving my husband for a broiled bagel with cheese. I'm out of sliced cheese, but have loads of shredded sharp cheddar left over from the Christening. Last night when it was time for me to go to bed binge snack, the voices reminded me about our conversation about nachos. So instead of going to bed, the leftover pita chips and cheese got nuked and damn if they weren't yummy! Thanks a lot, Deb! :)

And by the way...the mischievous one is 7 MONTHS OLD today!!! Post to follow...

P.S. Even if you don't regularly read my "comments" section - you should this time. My husband has finally figured out how to leave a comment. It says anonymous, but I know it's him! Funny how he had something to say about all of my "topics", but nothing to say about me leaving him for a broiled bagel with cheese :)

6 comments:

Anonymous,  June 10, 2009 at 6:43 PM  

1) My names would be "little miss meatballs, hotdogs, and ice cream" and "mr. handsome, mr. clown, and mr. I know I am cute, so I can get away with anything".

2) Please no one provide ammo for this woman's shopping compulsions until number 6 is taken care of.

3) Art and poetry are not her strongpoints. Most likely traits acquired from me.

4)Don't let your obsessions ruin Katie's fun... On the other hand, Tim will be required to start training for football at 3. With those tree trunks he might just be the next Jumbo Elliot in the making - so think of it as retirment planning.
5)Umm as long as its not you doing it..
6) You better start soon.
7) Yeah, its pretty hard to walk over to one of the 17 places in our house that dispense water during the day.

Mum-me June 10, 2009 at 7:36 PM  

Your husband obviously knows that once you'd eaten the bagel you'd probably come back to him.

I hear voices about homeschooling too. They scare me. I can certainly see the advantages, but the disadvantages are screaming louder at this time in my life.

Kristin B,  June 11, 2009 at 11:49 AM  

I love your posts! You crack me up. Glad to know I'm not the only one with voices, which, by the way, in my head seem to have gained a network of friends since Shane was born--coincidence? Motherhood DOES make you crazy!

Anonymous,  June 12, 2009 at 2:48 PM  

You can buy clothes for my baby girl, although she's not a baby anymore. I'm signing this "anonymous" because the other options look too complicated, but this is really from Timmy's godmother.

BoufMom9 June 14, 2009 at 12:24 AM  

Ok, sorry about the nachos. (and I have to say, damn you! it's midnight and now I'm hungry and was supposed to call you, except I think it's too late.)
I will have to pick your brain tomorrow about this homeschooling subject. LOL Personally, i do love it and really enjoy spending the time with the kids and knowing I can focus where they need it.

My nicknames for your kids...
Poor Tim... I think he's going to be Mr Fatty Fat for a while. LOL (although you must know that i LOVE the chunk!)
Katie, I'm not sure I have a nickname for her, although I do think she could she Keith's clone. LOL So, I guess whatever names I have for him could be applied to her. LOL

PS I'll call you tomorrow :)

Sugar Boogers & Tantrums June 16, 2009 at 1:22 AM  

I totally know what you mean by the voices in your head. I have the same thing going on all the time. Loved this post!

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