He does all of his own stunts!

Doesn't every kid have two costumes?

(This being the other one.)

Come back this evening (or tomorrow if I'm too tired) to check out Dr. Katie and Supergirl!

Happy Halloween!!!

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Interview Prep

It's been a long time since I went on an interview. In my last few years of employment, I had become much more accustomed to actually being the interviewer.So last night I mentally prepared for today's interview. Instead of counting sheep I thought up the Top 10 answers I probably shouldn't give when asked the infamous "What do you consider to be your biggest weakness?"

1. I’m frequently late.

2. I don’t drink enough water.

3. Cheese!

4. I get sick a lot.

5. I’m generally a very tired person.

6. I am easily frustrated by stupid people.

7. I’m pretty sarcastic.

8. I tend to be passive aggressive at times.

9. I spend too much time on Facebook, Twitter, and blogging.

10.My kids get sick a lot.

And what answer did I wind up giving? Would you believe they didn't even ask me this question? But if you are hiring and would like to give me a call, I would be more than happy to discuss it with you. My answer will knock your socks off and I guarantee that you'll want to hire me on the spot.

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What are Little Boys Made Of?

Frogs and Snails and Puppy-dogs' tails!

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A day in the life

Being a "Scary Mommy" doesn't really seem like a title to be vied for. Nevertheless, "the" ScaryMommy is holding a contest to find another blogger that best personifies her idea of what a Scary Mommy is. And guess what: if you're a mom and you don't think you fit the role of Scary Mommy I think you're either a liar, in serious denial, or a tv character.

I thought long and hard about this post and decided that the best way to share how I am a Scary Mommy is simply to share a day in the life of JulieBouf. I’ve decided not to embellish any facts in order to be more humorous since that could possibly land me a visit from DCS.

I’ll begin sharing my day from about 11am since my parenting prior to that point isn’t really fit to be read. While Timmy was still asleep for his morning nap I got myself up from my morning nap and showered. I really didn’t have a choice. It had been a day…or two and I was going to be out in public later in the day. Don’t worry about Katie. She was watching a movie while I rested with my door open. If you can consider laying in bed while being visited every 5-10 minutes to be resting.

The first trip for the day was to the public library. Timmy napped a little too long (this ONLY happens when we have to go somewhere) and we didn’t really have time to go and get back before Katie’s afternoon pre-K school bus would arrive. But I really needed a specific book. I had just finished the first Vampire Diaries book (possibly why I was so tired that morning) and when I went to read the second I realized I had borrowed the wrong series. Now when we were there last week, I hadn’t scanned any of Katie’s choices and she wound up coming home with a book about divorce that was her “most favorite book ever” and had to be read by both mommy during the day and daddy at night. So as not to make the same mistake, I reviewed her choices and was the meanest mom ever to make her put back “Saying Goodbye to Daddy” and “It’s Just Mommy and Me Again” (incidentally one of those was from the author of “Why Does Daddy Drink So Much?”As we switched aisles in hopes of finding more appropriate choices, Timmy started ripping books off the shelf from his stroller and I had to wrestle him to put back “Saturdays With Daddy.” Let me remind you again, I am not exaggerating or making anything up. I really hope this isn’t a sign. We gathered our final choices and checked out. My book wasn’t even available and I wound up driving Katie into school 10 minutes late.

I really don’t have any problems with the kids watching tv or Katie playing on the computer, but it was an absolutely beautiful day outside, the first in over a week. So after Katie got home from school the three of us went for a walk. When we got home I even pushed both kids on the swings. But then I got tired and convinced Katie to push her brother for awhile (so that I didn’t have to keep pushing her 50lb dead weight.) I also convinced her that watching her go down the slide was the highlight of my day.

Later in the day she told me her “heart hurt. Or no, maybe it was her belly.” I gave her some more cough medicine and packed the kids up for Katie’s dance/gymnastics class. I got us all McDonald’s for dinner on the way there. Katie’s no longer allowed to have French fries in the car due to a recent trash excavation from my car, but I do let her eat her nuggets. They were hot though so she put them on the seat between her and Timmy to cool off. Only he grabbed the whole box and she couldn’t reach them back from him and I had to listen to her scream and cry the rest of the car ride while handing her some of mine to hold her over until we arrived and I could get her box from Timmy. Only he ate 4 of the 6 nuggets in the 10 minutes it took us to get there. So, she got more of mine and I filled myself up on my 6^th diet soda of the day.

On the way home Katie asked me “How much longer?” I said “Till what, we get home?” I suppose I should have known that not being able to read her mind would cause an explosion. We went back and forth with “No! HOW.MUCH.LONGER?” and I replied, “TILL.WHAT? We will be home in 2 minutes if that’s what you want to know.” And then from Katie, “NOOOOOOOOO. I SAAAIIIDDDD – how much longer?” Thankfully after a few more rounds we arrived home and I sent her in to watch tv and ask daddy for a piece of candy.

I wouldn’t really consider this day to be a bad day by any means. No. THIS was a bad day. This was just a day in the life. I don’t always react the way I would like to. My kids don’t always behave the way I would like. My house is definitely not as clean as I would like.

I have put off writing this post since this weekend out of the sheer exhaustion I’ve felt every single night. I used to think it was just me, but the blogger company I keep has led me to believe I am not alone in feeling motherhood is like a serious case of mono that just can't be overcome. I say that with the utmost love and devotion for my 2 cherubs. And while I was led to believe that I might get more favorable treatment in this contest for locking my kids in the play area downstairs while I take the time to write this entry, I did not. I waited until they were both fast asleep - baby passed out on breast milk and LOTS of Pizza Hut and the 4-year old passed out on Pizza Hut bread sticks and chocolate dunkaroos.

I am convinced that the 50's-era portrait of motherhood was contrived by the same people that brought us Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, and the Tooth Fairy. Houses could not have always been that neat, food always cooked from scratch, and children always well-behaved. Or maybe there was just a fantastic underground drug ring supplying those moms with the extra little oomph that they needed.

PS. Check out my link to ScaryMommy's post to see what she considers a Scary Mommy to be and then leave a comment on my blog supporting my claim. Help me win a video camera! That means YOU family/friend stalkers who visit and never leave comments. Just sign in as "Anonymous" if you want or choose the Name/URL option and you can simply type in your first name. There is nothing to sign in/sign up for.

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40 Days & 40 Nights

That's how long it will take us to eat all the Bigos I made. Bigos, you ask? Well, I had never heard of it either until I came upon this captivating post by Pauline at Classy Chaos. I adore Pauline and even though she makes it sound like a dirty thing to feed your kids pizza, I still respect her. Chris and I enjoy ethnic foods. And we love pork. And sauerkraut. We LOVE sauerkraut. So with her endorsement and direction along with my full-fledge excitement over all that pork and sauerkraut, I set out. To make my own Bigos. I hastily wrote out the ingredients and intructions on paper and put them aside to shop in the afternoon, at about 4pm, when Katie would get home from school.

Chapter 1 - Dried Plums

The recipe call for dried plums. Under the surface, I felt a nervousness throughout the day. Where the heck was I going to get dried plums? I tweeted to OHmommy (Pauline) begging for her assistance and was ignored. Probably because she didn't think it was a question worth answering. Or maybe she though it was a joke. Later in the day I tried again, something to the tune of "Dried plums. Where to buy? Respond. Can raisins be used instead?" She finally sent me a direct tweet "My girlfriend did use plums. Can you find prunes? Like bigger raisins. Let me know how it works out."

I believe she sent me a direct tweet so as not to mock me out in public. Because guess what? Dried plums are freaking prunes. A wave of embarrassment washed over me as I found myself in the raisin aisle at the supermarket and found bag after bag that said "Dried Plums". All of them prunes. But guess what? Marinka didn't know either. I had mentioned my Bigos w/ prunes on twitter. With all of her quick wit, I naturally assumed that she was making fun of me when she asked me why I didn't just use dried plums. And then, completely out of character, OHmommy chimed in and laughed at us both for not knowing that dried plums were prunes.

Chapter 2 - What was I thinking?

When I read Marinka's post here about starting her new crockpot recipe, I laughed about her being so excited to use her new crockpot that she began to cook at 8pm. Yet, I chose to go to the store at 4pm to shop for ingredients for a stew. I figured, home by 5pm - food done by about 7:00 or 7:30pm. The kids won't want to eat it anyway. We can have a nice luxurious meal once the kids are in bed. Little did I know that the luxurious meal would be hastily eaten at 10pm prior to me passing out from starvation. I failed to take into consideration that I would need more than 1/2 hour between steps of the recipe to cart groceries in from car, feed the kids dinner, keep a teething crying baby happy, reset the tv with a new show for Katie every 25 minutes, AND actually do the meal preparation.

Chapter 3 - More Doubts

Chris hates stews with fruit in them. Will he even eat this, with all the dried plums? I'll put in a little less than the picture shows.

Why oh why did I embark on a recipe without actual measurements? I am a CPA - was an auditor for 8 years. I need rules. I need to follow explicit directions. All I have to go on is pictures! How many pounds of pork is that OHmommy? I longed to e-mail and ask, but was so embarrased about the dried plum/prune debacle that I didn't dare. Is it 4 lbs? That's what I got. Oh, and equal lbs. sausage to pork? Another 4 lbs. You say just a dash of each of the spices, but it looks like so much in the picture. Was that just for picture taking effect?

Oh no, the meat is already taking up half of my pot. Ok, I'll use about 3lbs of each. I don't know why I do this-cook enough to feed 20 people every time I'm cooking from scratch. I suppose it's because I really want my efforts to be appreciated. Over and over again.

OHmommy used 3 pieces of bacon, but it looks like I have more meat; I'll use 5 pieces to compensate. Oh wait, am I supposed to cook the bacon first to make it crispy? She didn't say to, I'll just cut it up and put it in raw.

Chapter 4 - Smoked sausage and other mistakes

I've also never bought smoked sausage before. Recently I've begun trying to be a little more conscious of ingredients and staying away from corn syrup, especially high fructose. However, I learned that there were only 2 types of smoked sausage offered at my supermarket. Those with corn syrup and those made with cow heart's. I opted for the corn syrup.

When realizing I still had to get a separate dinner prepared for the kids and that I bought way too much pork and smoked sausage I decided that the kids would have "hot dogs" (smoked sausage) for dinner. No complaints from them. I knew the stew would be done much later than expected since the pot was full to the tippy top. While I was waiting, I ate half of a leftover cooked smoked sausage. Mistake. I am certain that I tasted minced bone in there and spit it all into the garbage. Blah!!!

I also freaked for the final hour or so because there was so much in the pot that I could barely stir it and I was convinced that it would all burn on the bottom.

This was the period of time that I began tweeting of my error in judgment and my fear of a disastrous outcome.

Chapter 5- Bigos is Ready!

It was pretty yummy!

I chose to add cherry tomatoes and mushrooms. It was a good thing since the mushrooms served an important role of disguising the mushy rubbery bacon as a possible mushroom. The crunchy sauerkraut disguised any bone crunch of the sausage. Chris loved it! Timmy loved his meal of leftovers the following day. I know enough to not even attempt offering it to Katie. The texture hodgepodge would be her mental undoing.

Epilogue

We have been eating leftovers for days now. Or rather, I should say that Chris has. Although I did quite enjoy it for dinner that first night, I can't let go of my flashbacks of eating the smoked sausage on it's own. I've actually had a nightmare about it, so I can't bring myself to eat any of the leftovers. Since Chris and Timmy enjoyed it so much I may try it again in the future. Maybe with kielbasa instead of the cow heart-free smoked sausage. I may fry up the bacon a little first, too. I think I'll use a bit more dried plums. Oh, and maybe not rinse off the sauerkraut. I missed it's yummy sour taste.

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11 Months Old - Monkey Man (*Edited)

I'm really not too sure how this baby manages to get cuter and funnier every single month, but I swear he does. He thinks he's hilarious when he puts his soft balls in his mouth and crawls over to show me. He must be acknowledged, giggling the whole way over and erupting into fits of laughter when I tell him he's not a doggy. He loves to be tickled. His laughter melts away any frustration or fatigue I may be feeling.

This month has been all about motion. He is obsessed with balls and all toys with wheels. He's still not walking, but he did begin to take some steps with the help of walking toys and he loves it...until he runs into a wall.

He climbs anything he can reach (like the steps in the Chic-Fil-A playground) and goes bananas on the trampoline. He's already started to perfect the "hang on to something and throw my head backwards and upside down move." Interestingly, Katie has always been the biggest daredevil, sensory-seeking child I have ever met. I'm pretty sure I have now met her match.

His favorite phrase is "Hi": first thing in the morning when we take him out of his crib, throughout the day when he catches our eye while playing, and strolling in the cart around Target trying to get the attention of every person he passes.

Timmy is so in love with his sister and she him. He loves to play with her and her big kid toys. He doesn't take no for an answer.

We do have one behaviour issue though. Socks. And shoes. We went from infant footy clothes to summer toe freedom. But now he's getting close to walking and it's cold outside. Tim is not a happy boy when they are on and has naked little feet before I can blink. Onlookers think it's cute and precious. It's not. I may have to send him to baby bootcamp.

*Edited to add a few more things I forgot about this morning:

-Poor guy just cut his NINTH tooth...a molar. No wonder he has been anti-nap the last few days.

-The clapping. It's a way of life. Ask Timmy a question that he is happy about and you will get a "Yay" to the accompaniment of thundering applause.

-Tunnels. Everything with a top, that he can fit under is now a tunnel. But he doesn't realize how big he is and he gets stuck a lot. I think he gets that trait from me.

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Please! I've never asked for anything before!

In my endless search for children's clothing, I came across a current modeling contest for GapKids. I've entered both of my kids and would be forever appreciative if you could click over and vote for them. They are competing in the same age group, but that's ok. You can vote as many times as you'd like (at least once a day).

Just go to http://www.gap.com/castingcall/ and enter their id# (below)

I have several reasons for hoping that they win...

Kaitlyn B.

ID: 317168298

1) Look at her poor hand-me-down t-shirt. Doesn't this girl deserve to win some new clothes? (ahem...no comments from the peanut gallery concerning the fact that she has more clothes than she could ever possibly wear)

2) It would create very interesting fireworks to force Katie into a certain hairdo and outfit for a winning photo shoot. I've read the fine print and the rules do NOT state that the child has to be cooperative. Boy would they be in for a suprise!

3) Amazingly, as horribly as I feel any planned photo shoot has gone with Katie (ie. at a portrait studio) we do always wind up with at least a few fantastic shots. They should be so lucky as to have her in their ads.

Timothy B.
ID: 857168866

1) Timmy should win to prove to the modeling community that it is not nice to discriminate against large-eared babies. They deserve their day to be in print, too. Perhaps, if nothing else, the current president can set a trend to bring Dumbo ears back into fashion.

2) He is a ray of sunshine. He would be all smiles for a photo shoot and full of personality. Keeping his thumb out of his mouth and his hand off of his ear may be a problem, but I'm sure if I dangled a donut in front of him he'd be fine.

3) He fits in baby clothes. Although Katie fits the age criteria for "Baby Girl" she won't fit in any clothes smaller than a size 6. That could present a problem.

Disclaimers:

*Yes, it will make you "register" to vote, but you will get a 20% off coupon (I think) as a thank-you

*If clicking the link above and then entering the ID is too much work for you, but you are willing to register and vote, let me know and I'll send you an e-mail with a direct link to vote for them.

*# of votes does not ensure that they will win, but those with the highest votes will get a second look from the judges.

*Don't even THINK about entering your kid instead of voting for mine. I asked first!

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Clothing abuse

Green and white striped t-shirt (Lands' End)

perfect for summer with white shorts or cute in spring and fall with a nice pair of jeans

Green "cake" long-sleeved tee (Gymboree)

fabulously adorable with its matching pink "cake" appliqued skort

Lime green stretch pants (Hanna Andersson)

the height of child fasion with a matching purple, lavender, and lime green dress

***

Fashion according to Katie (prepare to cringe)...

Katie and I have come to a sort of compromise. I threaten to throw out all her barbies let her pick out her own clothes each day with only appropriate seasonal restrictions (like no shorts when it's too cold) and she tries her hardest to give me heart palpitations...with a smile.

She works very hard to match appropriately and despite lots of tears and pleading gentle advice from me she is convinced that "matching" means wearing varying shades of the same color. My tutorial on picking out accent colors fell on deaf ears today.

I'm probably the biggest fan of the color green in the entire world and even I feel like I need medication to look at this outfit without wincing.

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For the modern art enthusiast

When driving, stay on the road!

Katie tells me that is the title of her newest piece of bathroom art.

(Yes, it's bath crayon.)

I'm pretty sure I see a "F#$% Mom" in there. We were taking a little too long to get Timmy ready for the bath and when we finally made it in to the bathroom we found Katie standing on her stepstool and the bathtub ledge working fast and furiously like an art prodigy. Of course her pronouncement of the piece's title led Chris to ponder - "Why is she drawing about staying on the road?" And in case you have the same question - the answer is I have no freaking clue. And PS. she tells me the red thing is a skunk on the side of the road. So really, you can see the mind at work here.

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