Happy Valentine's Day

I realize the Catholic Church has made many changes over the last year, but I didn’t see this one coming. First, our mass and hymns were retranslated. Recently, a new precedent was set, morally freeing future popes from serving until their death if they feel that they can’t properly lead due to age or health issues.

But changing our Easter celebration to Valentine’s Day???

Katie recently attended a Valentine’s Day party at gymnastics. While other kids were crafting, she was busy writing a report about how special Valentine’s Day is.

 

And in the spirit of translating our most holy works, I have translated and edited as follows:

"Happy Valentine’s Day. It is a special day, the day Jesus suffered his life and died and rose up again. It is one of Jesus’s and God’s days.

Our holiday today is Valentine’s Day.  It wasn’t on the date, but they made it this day." (because the party was not actually ON Valentine’s Day.)

It has been suggested that I request a refund for her CCD classes.

Instead, we had a little talk. I revealed the mystery of Easter. Called “Easter”.  Which led us back to, “So what the heck is Valentine’s Day?”

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Busted

I probably should have held off on posting this gem until "Wordless" Wednesday.

 

According to Katie, this is me and Chris on our wedding day.

She took some creative license:

Apparently, "that" is part of my dress - NOT what you were thinking - despite the freudian spelling of "best" on our wedding cake.

My eyes are not really blue.

I am not really over 6 feet tall, like Chris.

Chris has fingers.

Our priest had hands.

Chris is not Jewish.

While close, it was not the bust day of my life. Because I didn't have my kids yet. And while they are frequently responsible for the most frustrating days of my life - getting handed pictures like this at daycare pickup allows me to smile and laugh like I never did before.

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The Katie File

It's been awhile. I know. And I was figuring that since I've jumped back into attending a bunch of blogger events, I should probably start to blog again. With that in mind - file this one under "Posts to pullout during the teenage years."

Sunday night we were driving home after a long day out - just me and the kids. Katie pondered, "Mom, do you think Daddy's going to be upset that we left him alone by himself for all of that time?"

Heh. Right!

I explained that daddy was probably very happy to be home by himself. Amongst a flurry of questions I explained that daddy probably got a chance to take a nap or play video games or do something else that he wanted to do. In fact, he'd probably want to thank me for all of that alone time.

She wondered, since he'd be so appreciative, would he give me a kiss?

Playing along, pretending that he would actually be so gracious as to recognize how wonderful I am and thank me AND that we thank each other with kisses, I replied, "Oh, I hope so!"

There was some pondering silence and then:
Do you think he'll stick his tongue inside your mouth?

?!?!?!?!!?

"Katie, what are you talking about? Daddy doesn't do that..."

She assured me that oh yea, she had seen that for herself before. She saw him do it. He really did.

I thought back and decided that perhaps recently we had given each other a peck and when the kids moaned and acted like we were gross - he may have gotten a little carried away in giving them something to really be grossed out about.

"Katie, you know, sometimes husbands and wives do that because they really love each other."

"No way, they do NOT!!!" (hey wasn't she the one who witnessed it?; I still don't believe it actually happened.)

"Yea, Katie. Actually, when you get bigger - like old enough to have a husand - you might actually like it."

And then she promised me:
"No, I will NOT. That's gross! If my husband EVER tries to stick his tongue in my mouth.....I'll kick him in the face!!"

And just a little motherly advice, if a boy ever really does just stick his tongue in your mouth - you probably shouldn't kick him in the face. But it does mean he's not a very good kisser.

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Stress, Relief, Laughter, Stress, Relief, Laughter

Katie has some issues, there's no question about that.
(fyi, if you're new to The Other Boufs, Katie is the dancer all the way on the right)

It's perfectly ok that I make fun of her dancing since I love her so much.

But honestly, that dance recital was a smashing success since she actually wore her black leotard AND her dance shoes. The "legwarmers": an added bonus. Truth is, I had worked myself up the entire day about getting her cooperation to dress appropriately. I entered The Little Gym apprehensive and sick to my stomach, but prepared, with makeup and hints of a celebration cupcake for a job well done. This was her 3rd recital and to date, she had never worn what the group was supposed to wear, without accomodations. Of course, the first go at putting on the leotard resulted in an episode and some hasty thrashing in efforts of wripping it right off, but we were able to finally compromise and she wore one of her favorite leotards underneath so she wouldn't even feel "the itchy one".

So, after our celebration date at the diner (it was just the girls since Timmy had puked all over himself at dinner and had to stay home with dad), we drove home.  Katie was unusually peppy and verbally lucid for that late at night. I began to tune some of the non-stop chatter out of my head until I was certain I had heard the "F" word.

I couldn't really blame her since I do tend to swear like a sailor, but I really DO try to hold back in front of the kids. In 5 1/2 years, she's only ever repeated "damn it" or "what the hell?!?!". We quickly discussed both phrases and nipped them in the bud. I thought I was in the clear.

I asked her to tell me again what she had just said, breath held. She proudly repeated herself and I took an audible sigh of relief when she repeated, "I said 'Oh GREAT now we have to go get STUCK at this red light'"*****

Well thank goodness, at least I'm not a terrible parent who makes fun of her kid's dancing AND has her kid dropping F-bombs.

Do you have a funny story about a funny misunderstanding with your kids, other family members, or friends where what you thought you heard was a little different than what was actually said? I'd love for you to share it here in the comments section. And if you think it's like the funniest story ever submit it on the Alka-Seltzer Facebook page to enter their Said/Heard Mishaps contest.

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*****Ok, so this isn't really exactly how the conversation went down. In reality, she began with "I said 'Oh GREAT now we have to go get STUCK..." and I felt an immediate sense of relief that I had really heard her say "STUCK" and not something inappropriate. But, then she continued as clear as I ever heard this little girl who has been in speech therapy for 3 years "...at the F%^#ing red light!" I double checked 3 times. And heard that "really bad word for a mom to say in front of her kids and even worse to have them repeat" all three times.

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Speechless

I've been learning some interesting things about Katie in Jamaica.

Today, as I caught up with her and the other children from kids camp, on their way to the beach for a sandcastle making competition, I noticed she was howling. A cute little girl with long brown hair solemnly told me, "We think she's turning into a werewolf." When I inquired into what had caused such an alarming situation she looked at me with big serious eyes and told me "I'm half werewolf and I infected her." Of course I asked more questions...and was rewared with more sincere responses. Apparently, "It's from the bite. It tranferred into her blood." So yea, I'm now the daughter of a Jamaican werewolf.

And last night...well - last night Katie got her first kiss (other than that of the playground kissing tag variety - although of course I suppose this really was of the same variety). This older boy from England danced her into a tizzy and then apparently leaned in for a snog.

I'm pretty sure they should be cast in the next remake of Dirty Dancing, premised in Jamaica:

On our way  back to the room last night, I mentioned that she sure did seem to have a lot of boyfriends. She told me, "Well, I don't have one of them anymore. "Sean broke up with me." Am I really hearing this correctly? Apparently she knew he was her boyfriend because he broke up with another little girl who is in their daycare and kindergarten class. There were about 3 more breakups somewhere involved in the whole explanation. I asked her, "Katie, do you even know what breaking up means?" And oh...she did: "It means he's not in love with me anymore." Folks I just don't know what to say. Besides advising her that she is much too young to let any boys kiss her or to worry about having boyfriends. Really, I am speechless.

Oh and guess what...turns out the boy above has an uncle who lives in the next town over from me. Talk about a small world. I would joke and make a remark about how funny it would be if they ended up falling in love some day, but I had a conversation with him on the beach today would prove that isn't likely.Apparently he didn't recognize me as Katie's mum - and he was telling me all about this dumb girl who won the treasure hunt at Kids Camp the previous day. I told him it wasn't nice to call anyone dumb and he went on to tell me, but she really was...she didn't even know how to miniature golf properly. But then he relented that they did then become good friends and danced together. I chided him and reminded him that he was talking about my daughter. And he was speechless.

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We miss you, Daddy! (Hope you're having fun at work)

I remember learning so many literary terms in high school English classes and college Core classes and Theatre classes: symbolism, themes, yada yada yada. Well, for those who are not lucky enough to know Katie closely (because using the word intimately just somehow seems wrong) - this video can sum up in 30 odd seconds what life with Katie is like. My girl - my smart wonderful girl - the girl my mom calls "special".

And yes, she did ride the short-bus to pre-school. But she's just your typical 5yo, now. So to all the mom's of 5yo girls out there, I'm drinking one for you right now. A mango vodka and 7, to be precise.

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And a new child actor is born...

I'm not shy. I never have been. I like to be liked. I love to be the center of attention. As a child and a teenager I enjoyed acting, especially musical theater. Some day, I'd love to be in the position to participate again. But in the meantime, I've noticed a little drama queen emerging.

A few weeks ago, when her daddy wasn't cooperating I sent her down to ask him "Daddy, don't you love me?" in an effort to get his help in fixing something for her. Her pouty lip and quivering voice were Oscar-worthy. She was quite proud of herself.

Last weekend, at a birthday party, the magician was asking for volunteers to try a line that his "assistant" would need to say. When it was Katie's turn she had the parents rolling with laughter. And she won the part.

In her excitement to play a role, I thought it would be perfect to have her say the required last line of my entry to the Wisk Pimp My Laundry Contest, which I'm promoting and offering a giveaway for here. She was thrilled. As long as I was willing to wait until after Dora was over to shoot.

She took her place, got into character ... and created this amazing reel of outtakes...

The first one on the video is actually the last one we shot and the one we're going with. I'll post my entire video entry as soon as it's done.

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Letting it all hang out - Part 2

My take away from this portion of the tour is, what is wrong with my daughter? She is smart, really smart - but boy does she say some wacky things. Heh. But I actually have my next post dedicated to that discussion.

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The Good, The Bad, and the Crazy

The Good

My first week of work was great. I really like my coworkers and the kids cry when I pick them up from daycare because they don't want to leave yet.

I am getting psyched for Bloggy Bootcamp in a few weeks. I'm excited to meet some of my favorite bloggers and excited to get away and spend time with my SIL.

I called our old cleaning woman and set up a consult for this week for her to decontaminate our house from the 1 1/2 years that I was in charge of cleaning.

To my extreme relief, I did receive an offer to have my driveway shoveled today. They wanted a ridiculous amount of money, but I negotiated down. One Mexican man was at the door negotiating in broken English. At our agreement he signaled to the man waiting in a pickup truck. I then watched in amazement as men emptied out of the pickup truck like clowns from a clown car. They were done in about 25 minutes. Two feet of snow was no match for them.

The Bad

I am exhausted - but really - that's nothing new for me.

I was HORRIFIED at my annual gyn appointment this week to realize that I either forgot to put on deoderant or that my deoderant was no match for the heat of my new office and a sweater. I suffered through THE most uncomfortable and embarrassing breast exam ever. Note to self: carry deoderant in purse for all future gyn appointments.

The one year old was up screaming from 4:00am to 4:45am this morning. And then his older sister was delightful enough to go in and WAKE.HIM.UP at 6:45am today.

The Crazy

The fact that my husband was away for the very first weekend of my employment. The weekend that I should have gotten to sleep in and take naps to recover from my first week of work. My birthday weekend. (Technically the weekends before and after my birthday are my birthday weekend if my birthday falls on a weekday.)

The fact that my husband was in the Poconos and only got 1 inch of snow. Yet, we got two feet of snow here in South Jersey.

Last Tuesday, February 2, after pulling teeth I finally got my 4yo to open up about her day at preschool. She finally admitted that oh, they cut stuff...and then she exclaimed, "and oh yeah! Happy Beaver Day Mommy!"

That same 4yo picked out her most grownup looking dress to wear this past Thursday because her great aunt would be taking her to her speech lesson for the first time. She confided to me in the morning that she hoped maybe her Aunt would think she was a grownup in that dress. Then, as she put on the stretchy tank top camisole that is a part of the dress, she looked down at herself, patted herself down proudly and professed excitedly, "Look Mommy, I look like I have boobies!" I assured her, in no time at all, that she would likely have a quite ample bossom and she would rue the day she wished for bigger ones.

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Oh really?

Tomorrow is the big day. First day of work (meaning paid by an employer) in 1 1/2 years. Sigh. Katie is more hyper than usual has hit the ground running at daycare. Timmy is having a ball and completely f'd up sleepwise adjusting to the new schedule. I will immensely miss the possibility of an afternoon nap. And I will miss catching the funny things the kids say and do during the day.

To my delight, Katie has been extremely forthcoming in telling me everything that she and Timmy are doing at their new daycare. I'm frankly pretty surprised since she is so tight-lipped about her pre-school class. Most recently, I'm told it's a secret and she can't tell me. Although, last week she did tell me that they did Tai Chi. Huh...what?!?!? And then she laughed and told me, "Well...they did do that on Kai-lan" (a cartoon).

So, either she is asserting her individuality and trying to set boundaries ALREADY or she's stuck in a fantasy land and thinks that her life really is made up of clips of Caillou, Max & Ruby, and Kai-lan. She does seem to be very informed on the behind the scenes action of those shows. She very seriously told me that Max & Ruby have no parents because they're dead. They were SO old.

And with that...the 1yo is up crying again. It's only the 4th time tonight. Yay for schedule adjustments. Good night!

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Life lessons with a 4-year-old

She has no issues with self-esteem.

Since she was a toddler, I've had many people tell me how pretty Katie is. Strangers have felt a need to recommend I submit her photos to modeling agencies: "Oh, her eyes are beautiful; she's so tall." I've laughed it off because of any child - Katie is the last to stand still or listen to directions - a requisite for modeling, I'm afraid. But yesterday, I thought, "Hmmm, maybe she DOES have what it takes." Attitude and a superiority complex for being tall.

As I sat watching Katie play video games, with her legs folded to her side I remarked on how pretty she was. I teased and asked, "How did you get so beautiful?" She giggled and replied that she just is. I scolded, "You know, you're supposed to say because my mommy is so beautiful."

Her response?

"Mommy, you are NOT beautiful. You are way too short to be beautiful. AND, only girls with long hair can be beautiful."

Needless to say, we had a little talk about beauty.

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Wedding Fever

Katie has been obsessed with weddings for the last few months. It all started when I told her that I would be going away for a few days to my cousin's wedding in Vegas. She wasn't upset that I was going away, but that I was going to a wedding and she couldn't go. Three weeks later Chris and I went to another wedding while she had to stay home. Since then, she has been eyeing the Wedding Day Barbie at every shopping opportunity. She has been making random comments during car rides. We'll just be driving and out of the blue I'll hear, "I sure wish I could go to a wedding, I LOVE weddings!" To be honest, I don't even know what her basis is. I watch many of her cartoons with her, unfortunately, and I don't remember seeing any wedding episodes. Recently we found out another friend will be getting married this fall and Katie brazenly asked her if she could come to the wedding. Of course, she told her yes, but the reality is that they are going to be having a smaller wedding than originally planned and it's more likely than not that she will not be invited.

So today as we were driving to dance class she shocked me with all of her wedding knowledge.

Katie: Mom, do weddings have cakes?
Me: Yes, they do actually.
Katie: Yea, I know that. ALL weddings have cakes. And they have flower girls and tuxedos.
Me: Wow, how do you know all of that Katie? Did you learn it from a tv show?
Katie: No, I just know it, mom. I know everything about it.
Me: Really? That's very impressive. I can't believe you know about tuxedos. Where did you learn about that big word?
Katie: I just know it. I know the tuxedos have to carry the pillow very, very carefully so they don't drop the ring.

Thank goodness I was stopped at a traffic light when she imparted that bit of knowledge; I was laughing so hard!

Imagine how much more excited she would be to attend a wedding if she knew what might happen after the cake is cut.

My cousin Alaina and her poor awesome new husband Brant

So, if anyone needs a flower girl, please let me know. I'm sure Katie would be more than willing. She is full of wedding knowledge, loves dress up (as long as the dress doesn't itch), and takes a pretty picture.

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