Thursday, October 22, 2009
Being a "Scary Mommy" doesn't really seem like a title to be vied for. Nevertheless, "the" ScaryMommy is holding a contest to find another blogger that best personifies her idea of what a Scary Mommy is. And guess what: if you're a mom and you don't think you fit the role of Scary Mommy I think you're either a liar, in serious denial, or a tv character.
I thought long and hard about this post and decided that the best way to share how I am a Scary Mommy is simply to share a day in the life of JulieBouf. I’ve decided not to embellish any facts in order to be more humorous since that could possibly land me a visit from DCS.
I’ll begin sharing my day from about 11am since my parenting prior to that point isn’t really fit to be read. While Timmy was still asleep for his morning nap I got myself up from my morning nap and showered. I really didn’t have a choice. It had been a day…or two and I was going to be out in public later in the day. Don’t worry about Katie. She was watching a movie while I rested with my door open. If you can consider laying in bed while being visited every 5-10 minutes to be resting.
The first trip for the day was to the public library. Timmy napped a little too long (this ONLY happens when we have to go somewhere) and we didn’t really have time to go and get back before Katie’s afternoon pre-K school bus would arrive. But I really needed a specific book. I had just finished the first Vampire Diaries book (possibly why I was so tired that morning) and when I went to read the second I realized I had borrowed the wrong series. Now when we were there last week, I hadn’t scanned any of Katie’s choices and she wound up coming home with a book about divorce that was her “most favorite book ever” and had to be read by both mommy during the day and daddy at night. So as not to make the same mistake, I reviewed her choices and was the meanest mom ever to make her put back “Saying Goodbye to Daddy” and “It’s Just Mommy and Me Again” (incidentally one of those was from the author of “Why Does Daddy Drink So Much?”As we switched aisles in hopes of finding more appropriate choices, Timmy started ripping books off the shelf from his stroller and I had to wrestle him to put back “Saturdays With Daddy.” Let me remind you again, I am not exaggerating or making anything up. I really hope this isn’t a sign. We gathered our final choices and checked out. My book wasn’t even available and I wound up driving Katie into school 10 minutes late.
I really don’t have any problems with the kids watching tv or Katie playing on the computer, but it was an absolutely beautiful day outside, the first in over a week. So after Katie got home from school the three of us went for a walk. When we got home I even pushed both kids on the swings. But then I got tired and convinced Katie to push her brother for awhile (so that I didn’t have to keep pushing her 50lb dead weight.) I also convinced her that watching her go down the slide was the highlight of my day.
Later in the day she told me her “heart hurt. Or no, maybe it was her belly.” I gave her some more cough medicine and packed the kids up for Katie’s dance/gymnastics class. I got us all McDonald’s for dinner on the way there. Katie’s no longer allowed to have French fries in the car due to a recent trash excavation from my car, but I do let her eat her nuggets. They were hot though so she put them on the seat between her and Timmy to cool off. Only he grabbed the whole box and she couldn’t reach them back from him and I had to listen to her scream and cry the rest of the car ride while handing her some of mine to hold her over until we arrived and I could get her box from Timmy. Only he ate 4 of the 6 nuggets in the 10 minutes it took us to get there. So, she got more of mine and I filled myself up on my 6th diet soda of the day.
On the way home Katie asked me “How much longer?” I said “Till what, we get home?” I suppose I should have known that not being able to read her mind would cause an explosion. We went back and forth with “No! HOW.MUCH.LONGER?” and I replied, “TILL.WHAT? We will be home in 2 minutes if that’s what you want to know.” And then from Katie, “NOOOOOOOOO. I SAAAIIIDDDD – how much longer?” Thankfully after a few more rounds we arrived home and I sent her in to watch tv and ask daddy for a piece of candy.
I wouldn’t really consider this day to be a bad day by any means. No. THIS was a bad day. This was just a day in the life. I don’t always react the way I would like to. My kids don’t always behave the way I would like. My house is definitely not as clean as I would like.
I have put off writing this post since this weekend out of the sheer exhaustion I’ve felt every single night. I used to think it was just me, but the blogger company I keep has led me to believe I am not alone in feeling motherhood is like a serious case of mono that just can't be overcome. I say that with the utmost love and devotion for my 2 cherubs. And while I was led to believe that I might get more favorable treatment in this contest for locking my kids in the play area downstairs while I take the time to write this entry, I did not. I waited until they were both fast asleep - baby passed out on breast milk
and LOTS of Pizza Hut and the 4-year old passed out on Pizza Hut bread sticks and chocolate dunkaroos.
I am convinced that the 50's-era portrait of motherhood was contrived by the same people that brought us Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, and the Tooth Fairy. Houses could not have always been that neat, food always cooked from scratch, and children always well-behaved. Or maybe there was just a fantastic underground drug ring supplying those moms with the extra little oomph that they needed.
PS. Check out my link to ScaryMommy's post to see what she considers a Scary Mommy to be and then leave a comment on my blog supporting my claim. Help me win a video camera! That means YOU family/friend stalkers who visit and never leave comments. Just sign in as "Anonymous" if you want or choose the Name/URL option and you can simply type in your first name. There is nothing to sign in/sign up for.